Office space 2
I’m glad there are some people in my office who’re great to be with and some are better than others (read weird, quirky, hilariously funny). Just the other day a colleague was cleaning out his drawer. These are some of the things that came out of it:
- teabags (open)
- a whistle
- a tube of toothpaste
- a condom
- a kazoo
- an invitation to a 50th birthday party
- a toothbrush
- pumpkin seeds (loose)
- a chopstick (yes, one)
Where else would you find people like this?
Girly days
I’m amazed at how much stuff people have at spas. So many tubes, so little time.
I took little sister off to the spa for the day and spent most of it lying in the sun. She loved it of course but I can’t understand how women get sucked into this stuff.
There’s no way that little bottle can get rid of cellulite or zap a wrinkle into oblivion. Unlike hair dye, which actually can make you look younger, those bottles are nothing more than pretty trimmings that smell good.
But, let me not harp on about that. It was a lovely day and my sister has now decided she’s going to do this all the time even if she never eats again. (Sometimes I think one of us was adopted).
Worker bee
How sad is it I have to work on a public holiday? Very. But if I really think about it, it’s not that bad.
There are no ringing phones, no annoying interruptions, no nothing. It’s much better to get things done, actually.
But I’m still wishing I was home. Maybe even enjoying National Braai Day.
Happy Braai Day to you.
Prezzie time
My sister will be 21 at the end of the month.
Me: What do you want for your birthday?
She: I dunno.
Me: That’s not an answer. What do you want? People are asking me.
She: I dunno.
Me: You can’t say I dunno. Say something.
She: Anything.
Me: Anything is not something. It doesn’t solve my problem. What must I tell people? What do you want?
She: (Pause). I dunno.
I just love how mature she’s turning out to be.
True friendship
I just had to share these with you. I have, on occasion, been known to do numbers 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8. I am a good friend.
1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared — I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused — I will use little words.
7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath….. I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask?, “Because you are my friend”.
Barely there bikini
Our building attracts its fair share of freaks. It’s the nature of the industry, I suppose. What normal person works in media anyway?
But yesterday we saw something that shocked even us. A girl, barely older than 16, was walking around in a bright blue bikini and heels. The only other thing covering her tiny body was her jewellery.
We’re not stuck on sensible dress in this building and she did look good but seeing so much flesh before I’ve had lunch is a tad much. And it wasn’t even 30 degrees Celsius!
I admired her balls though – every single person (men and women) were staring at her taut, toned belly and long legs. And she walked by with her head held high.
One day, when I grow up, I’m going to have that much confidence. In fact, by the time I’m 30, I may just start wearing a bit of lippy…
Blushing bride
Oh dear. Is this a sign?
My partner and I had a lovely lunch with his folks on Sunday. There were jokes, debates, heated arguments and, as always, delicious food. It was a typical lunch with people who will probably one day be my in-laws.
As we left my partner’s dad gave me the usual hugs and kisses but this time he gave me something else: two flowers.They were beautiful, unusual and totally unexpected. Me of the grey thumb wouldn’t know a rose from a cactus most of the time so I asked what they were.
“Blushing bride,” he responded, patting me on the shoulder.
I didn’t know what to say.
Politically correct slapping
Would you beat a man in a wheelchair? Well, yes, if he were groping me…
Yesterday Batman, Pampoentjie and I went on our usual food-foraging mission in the jungle that is Cape Town’s CBD. We spotted the local wildlife and a few interesting species but it was a man in a wheelchair who, um, grabbed our attention. Or rather, he grabbed Pampoentjie.
It came out of nowhere and we al kinda stood there, stunned. Pampoentjie pulled away as the man tried to grope her leg but none of us said anything. He just wheeled off to harass a few pink shirt-wearing gents (by ramming into their well-shod feet).
Afterward it hit me: I hadn’t done anything. But would I hit a guy in a wheelchair? In this case, yes. We should treat physically disabled people the same as able-bodied ones after all and I would certainly slap an able-bodied man if he did that.
I almost hope we run into him again tomorrow. Just so I can give him a piece of my mind (now that I’ve found it again) – or maybe I’ll just give a nice, friendly slap.
TOBBHERHANK 