Weddings for wimps?

November 22, 2007 at 1:47 pm (feminism, marriage)

It’s that time of my life when many of my friends are getting married, are married or are planning to get married. In a few days I head off to my third wedding of the year so I read an article about marriage piece with interest.

I always doubt people who start with “I’m not a (racist, sexist, ageist, etc).” It usually means they are whatever they’re saying they’re not. Anyway, I digress. In this article, Wedded Blisters, this woman writes about marriage being a form of torture, basically. It’s an awful, shocking, medieval way of making prisoners of women the world over.

I find this article hugely problematic. Her arguments seem bitter (even though she insists they’re not). She uses statistics and figures as if they’re bullets but, bar one or two, they all seem rather petty and vague. Clutching at straws comes to mind.

She also victimises the woman. Makes her the weakling. As if she has no mind of her own and implying she can’t make choices. This is 2007 darling. Wake up and smell the freshly brewed java – we’re not the weak wimps men would believe us to be.

Women make choices and they choose to get married. I’m obviously not speaking of women in countries where forced marriages are the norm and prepubescent girls are still raped by older men who marry them. But then again, neither is she.

I’m no cheerleader for marriage – I think there are many couples who live more fulfilling, satisfied lives without ever having put a ring on their finger. People can be committed without having to declare it to all and sundry. But again, I digress.

If a woman chooses to marry, it’s her choice and that choice could be influenced by a great many things.

Perhaps she’s following a tradition. We’re in an age where our parents are still old-school and traditional. It’s expected of us to get married. Our parents believe in the institution because it’s what they know. If she wants to have her dad walk her down the aisle because it makes him happy who are you to tell her she should just go ahead and break his heart? So if a woman decides to marry to make her parents happy who are we to cast stones?

Or maybe she wants to get married because she thinks it’s the right thing to do. Maybe she feels that it would be the beginning of a great, satisfying relationship with her partner, her soulmate, her equal. So who are you to tell her she’s being a dumbass weakling?

The problem with people who pretend to be feminists is that they give the rest of us a bad name. This writer does not do anything to advance the cause of women; instead she just views them as any old sexist male would do.

So do I think she’s talking a load of crap? Well, yes, I do.

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Blushing bride

September 19, 2007 at 2:51 pm (marriage)

Oh dear. Is this a sign?

My partner and I had a lovely lunch with his folks on Sunday. There were jokes, debates, heated arguments and, as always, delicious food. It was a typical lunch with people who will probably one day be my in-laws.

As we left my partner’s dad gave me the usual hugs and kisses but this time he gave me something else: two flowers.They were beautiful, unusual and totally unexpected. Me of the grey thumb wouldn’t know a rose from a cactus most of the time so I asked what they were.

“Blushing bride,” he responded, patting me on the shoulder.

I didn’t know what to say.

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Another wedding down

May 7, 2007 at 9:02 am (family, marriage)

Everything was beautiful. The bride looked radiant and happy; the groom couldn’t stop smiling and the setting was magical. I wore a skirt (!) which was fortunate because most of the women were very smartly dressed and I would’ve stood out like a sore thumb in my usual garb.
The food was superb and I met lots of aunts and uncles who from hereon know who the lady in my partner’s life is. They were all quite friendly and fortunately, I didn’t have to resort to drink to quell any nerves.
And, as usual, people asked my partner and I when we’re tying the knot…sigh…can’t people leave well enough alone with that topic already? I have a good mind to get married tomorrow in a magistrates court and send everyone an email/sms informing them of this development. Ok, I’m kidding, but if one more person asks…

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On all things wedding-like

January 30, 2007 at 6:42 am (marriage)

I’ve just read a piece in a local mag in SA about how marriage as an institution is dying. The piece went on about statistics and how people prefer to live together. Sounds good to me. Why would you want to marry anyway? For legal reasons I suppose…Or is it just a safety net? But if so, what about divorce…oh the questions.
Anyway, I did a quick blogsearch to see what kind of stuff came up about weddings in Jozi (city of the uberglam wedding) and hit on one ( that had a bit of advice for those planning a wedding. But more interestingly: A link to proved to be an insight into the world of a bride-to-be.
It has to be said: why would anyone go through the stress of planning a wedding if it sounds as fraught as Wedding Best describes? Lord knows I would’ve slit my wrists if I had to go through even a second of what she describes.
So, I think weddings should be banned. It’s an old-fashioned, outdated form of bondage. People can’t be devoted to one person for all their lives so why even try to confuse the issue with legal stuff. And does it really make a difference to have a piece of paper to say you’re married? I think not.

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