Soft in the head?
So there I was happily fitting on dresses. All that white, lace, satin, silk. It was already strange.
Enter the designer. The dress I had on was too small (sample sizes don’t cater for curvy bodies) but I wasn’t too bothered. Then designer – let’s call him R – did his designer-wave as he cast his eye over said curvy body and dress.
Mmmm, he said. “I like that you’ve chosen this. At the back, we’ll have to do something else because you’re quite soft and flabby.”
Gasp.
He continued. “This fleshy part in the front must be hidden. Oh, and we have to do something about the tummy. I do see a pretty face here though.”
Er. Gee thanks.
Anyway. . .he insulted me in such a nice way that it didn’t really upset me too much. He’s a designer and he’s supposed to know how to make me look my best. Fortunately I was so overwhelmed by all the girliness that I didn’t let loose when he suggested I join a gym.
He must be soft and flabby in the head if he thinks that’s happening any time soon.
A face made for talking
I like to think I’m a decent, nice person. But there are limits. When I’m sitting/standing somewhere I don’t really expect complete strangers to ask if they can join me then start a random conversation.
This has now happened three times in the space of one week. I kid you not.
The first was a random PR who asked if she could sit at my table because she hates sitting alone. I said fine but thought it a bit weird. Before I’d finished my smoke I’d heard about her two dogs who died from the poisoned dog food, how she’d sue Woolworths and how her cat eats only Epol. I’m not even joking.
The other was a guy who told me about his days in the army and how much fun it was. His brain must’ve been addled because he failed to notice the fact that I’m coloured and would certainly not approve of their fun activities in apartheid army.
Then this morning the lady from the bookshop downstairs asked if she can sit at my table because she ‘can’t walk another step’ (the next table was literally another step away). I said fine (why do I do that?!) and she want on to tell me about her new kid and how she was awake at 4am to do ironing, blah, blah.
Can’t a girl just have a cigarette in peace? It’s enough to make anyone quit. I really don’t invite these strangers. They just seem to find it very easy to ask me to sit with me. It’s weird and freaking me out just a tad. I am probably the most antisocial person I know, so heaven knows company is the last thing I want when I go outside alone.
Next time I’ll wear my don’t-fuck-with-me face. Perhaps that will help.
Bang, bang
Is there anything worse than office renovations? Yes? Liar! There simply can’t be.
I certainly can’t understand how anyone would be ok with strange men traipsing up and down singing tunelessly (why the singing? why the singing!). Dust everywhere – in your clothes, on your desk, on your sleeves, in your hair, nose and eyes. . .
I know that it’s going to look great when it’s all done but I can’t stand it right now. The noise, the dust (and resulting hayfever/coughing) and the people all around. It’s just too much.
I think I need a holiday.
Venue, venue, which one do you choose?
So there we were exploring the lush hills of Stellenbosch’s wine route. Man, I had no idea how difficult this whole wedding planning thing is. We drove and drove and drove, then drove some more.
Fortunately it was lovely scenery but still. We managed to find a place and it’s pretty and all that. So now we have to get cracking on all the other stuff. I don’t even have a to-do list. Is that a bad thing? Or is it bad because my friend has a to-do list (for my wedding) and I don’t?
This is going to descend into madness, I’m sure.
Don’t ask me if I’m gay
Well, well, well. Finally the US has something to be proud of. A court has ruled a site that helps people find roommates can’t ask for the user’s sexual orientation.
By bloody time, I say.
Although the person should probably be wary of the reaction of someone they’re potentially going to room with (do you really wanted to be smothered in your sleep?), it’s great that they don’t have to be discriminated against before they’ve even had the chance to check out the place (and the person).
We seriously need to up our game when fighting discriminatory attitudes. Thumbs up for these judges.
Back to business
So I’ve been gone for a while. I thought I’d be writing more often when I was subbing but it was the opposite – almost no writing on this side! Anyway. . . I’m back to writing now so hopefully will be posting more often again.
In the time I was gone Mugabe may have been toppled, I became engaged, people fell for April Fool jokes, men became pregnant and it’s starting to get darker earlier which means winter will be here soon.
Nothing unusual then.
TOBBHERHANK 