Fat ain’t funny

July 6, 2007 at 8:41 am (annoying, diets, fat rolls)

Earlier I wrote about not being a fan of fat jokes. In fact, I hate fat jokes. So what do I tell a “friend” who makes a fat joke if I’ve already told him it’s tasteless?
There’s always the option of telling him to go jump in a lake of lard (although I doubt he’d get it) or I could just let it slide.
But if I let it slide do I become complicit in the fat joke thing? Shouldn’t I be more hardcore about telling him what a jerk he is? Am I too humourless?
The problem with the whole thing is it happened online and was a kind of throwaway comment, not a full-on fat joke.
I couldn’t see his expression or gauge his seriousness from his tone. So do I still get all shrill and rip him apart (as I would do if we were face to face)?
Wait, I think I’ve just answered my question…
*Toby logs off wordpress to send a stinking email to said offensive bastard*

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Starvation of some brain cells

May 16, 2007 at 9:43 am (annoying, anorexia, diets, frustrated, gross)

For some (as yet unknown) reason, last night my TV was on this supermodel show with Tyra Banks (who I actually admired for standing up against those fat claims) as the host.
This show… What a shockingly ridiculous piece of crap.
Oh my soul – this is the very thing feminists the world over cringe when they see. Girls celebrating when their already emaciated frames drop a few extra kilos. Going through the anguish of being told they’re not pretty enough. Whhhhhyyyy???
The only reasonable conclusion I can draw is they’re all on some kind of drug to put themselves through this torment. And don’t give me that “It’s not a beauty pageant, it’s a scholarship programme”, a la Miss Congeniality
. K@k man.
I will die if I should ever have to be a friend/sister/mother/aunt to a girl who would want to put herself through this. I will die of a broken heart because there is nothing sadder than seeing a girl willingly endure this humiliation.

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What I love about my body

May 15, 2007 at 8:07 am (brag, diets, ego, fat rolls, hormones, love, nice girls, private personal space)

Usually when you ask a woman what she loves about her body she’ll list all the things she hates. My ass is fat; I hate my thighs; My skin is bad, etc. She could go on. Because women are conditioned to be modest; to think a celebration of their bodies is a bad characteristic, they’ll always find something wrong. Well enough is enough.
Let’s think about what we love about our bodies. There must be at least one thing. Just one. Once you’ve identified it, think of another, and another and another until you have at least five.
I’ve sat long and hard thinking of what I like about my body. It was difficult to get five but here goes:
1. My hands. They’re slim with long fingers. They look graceful when I wave and they can type a document in very little time.
2. My legs. They’re long and beautifully shaped.
3. My eyes are a boring brown but have a lovely shape and sparkle prettily when I’m happy.
4. My feet are smaller than the average person of my height. They’re kinda quirky.
5. My cleavage is not too big and not too small. Perfect.
What do you like about yours?

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How we have changed

May 10, 2007 at 8:10 am (chocolate, diets, exercise, fat rolls, friends)

“Toby, you were so thin at varsity,” B says when looking at some pics of me way back when (ok, ok, three years ago). “You’re nogal a bit chubbier now, ne?” Yes, point this out while I’m in my Lindt-gorging phase, old buddy, old pal. Just what I need after a hellish week. I still love you to bits though and will have an extra bit of chocolate to celebrate your keen observation skills.

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I have boobs and bums

April 24, 2007 at 8:44 pm (advertising, annoying, diets, exercise, fat rolls, weight, wellbeing)

I’m a big, loathsome fatass.
At least that’s what some women’s magazines would have me believe (more about that in a different post later). Apparently being anything over a size 10 is a social crime akin to saying you lust after your brother. At least I haven’t reached that level of depravity, right?
Anyway, back to the weight and my new issues with it. Rossgen and I hit the stores because she needed to look fabulicious (her word) for a function she had to attend. I have a wedding to attend so thought I’d try on a few things while in the shop. MISTAKE!
Not since the days when I sulked out of Hilton Weiner’s child-sized-clothing stores have I felt so bad about my body. I mean, hello: I have bums and boobs; a bit of cushioning on the hip and long limbs. Am I such a freak that no store has clothes that fit me?
Apart from the obvious “shall I take a 12/14/16 because they’re never the same”, anything that looks remotely stylish only comes in sizes 10 and below. And when I do fit on a size 12/14 it looks like a sausage caught in it’s skin when you’re frying it in a pan. Yuck.
Now, of course, you could say, um, Toby, maybe it’s because you’re “well-endowed”? Well-endowed my ass. I am a normal, healthy (ok, so I’m semi-healthy because I smoke and eat junk) young woman.
I have a healthy BMI of 22,5 according to the Mayo Clinic (click on Metric to get our measurements). I have normal curves and I’m quite happy with them so why can’t all those losers who make clothes try and make me spend my money?
Do they have any idea how starved curvy women are for nice clothes that fit – here’s a whole untapped industry I say. And African lasses don’t want the skinny tie-me-to-a-pole-so-I-don’t-blow-away kind of waists.
Unless of course I’m in the minority in which case I’ll just have to fume and continue my search for a good tailor/dressmaker to cover my bootylicious body.

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Give her McDonald’s!

March 20, 2007 at 6:05 am (anorexia, diets)

Women never fail to amuse me. There’s a really skinny woman in our office. Like jump-in-the-shower-to-get-wet kinda thin. Yet she’s on a diet. Now, I ask you, why would you willingly starve yourself of the pleasure of eating if you’re already so maer you could slip through a crack in the wall?
I just don’t get it. Am I the only person who a) has never been on a diet b) would never consider going on a diet c) find diets offensive and sexist d) would rather chew my toenails than go on a diet?
I really don’t understand why women do this to themselves. Have we not moved passed the phase where we all want to be skinnies? Have these supposedly intelligent women I work with not read the reports of the models who died recently?
I only have one thing to say: Thin is certainly NOT friggin in. Pass me the chocolate please.

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