Weddings for wimps?

November 22, 2007 at 1:47 pm (feminism, marriage)

It’s that time of my life when many of my friends are getting married, are married or are planning to get married. In a few days I head off to my third wedding of the year so I read an article about marriage piece with interest.

I always doubt people who start with “I’m not a (racist, sexist, ageist, etc).” It usually means they are whatever they’re saying they’re not. Anyway, I digress. In this article, Wedded Blisters, this woman writes about marriage being a form of torture, basically. It’s an awful, shocking, medieval way of making prisoners of women the world over.

I find this article hugely problematic. Her arguments seem bitter (even though she insists they’re not). She uses statistics and figures as if they’re bullets but, bar one or two, they all seem rather petty and vague. Clutching at straws comes to mind.

She also victimises the woman. Makes her the weakling. As if she has no mind of her own and implying she can’t make choices. This is 2007 darling. Wake up and smell the freshly brewed java – we’re not the weak wimps men would believe us to be.

Women make choices and they choose to get married. I’m obviously not speaking of women in countries where forced marriages are the norm and prepubescent girls are still raped by older men who marry them. But then again, neither is she.

I’m no cheerleader for marriage – I think there are many couples who live more fulfilling, satisfied lives without ever having put a ring on their finger. People can be committed without having to declare it to all and sundry. But again, I digress.

If a woman chooses to marry, it’s her choice and that choice could be influenced by a great many things.

Perhaps she’s following a tradition. We’re in an age where our parents are still old-school and traditional. It’s expected of us to get married. Our parents believe in the institution because it’s what they know. If she wants to have her dad walk her down the aisle because it makes him happy who are you to tell her she should just go ahead and break his heart? So if a woman decides to marry to make her parents happy who are we to cast stones?

Or maybe she wants to get married because she thinks it’s the right thing to do. Maybe she feels that it would be the beginning of a great, satisfying relationship with her partner, her soulmate, her equal. So who are you to tell her she’s being a dumbass weakling?

The problem with people who pretend to be feminists is that they give the rest of us a bad name. This writer does not do anything to advance the cause of women; instead she just views them as any old sexist male would do.

So do I think she’s talking a load of crap? Well, yes, I do.

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17 Comments

  1. The Divine Miss M said,

    What about just getting married for plain love? When you want to show that person and the world that you’re meant to be together?

    It isn’t a form of chains nor shackles and nothing wrong with it.

    When I feel completely in love I intend on getting married and it doesn’t make me feel any less of a powerful woman.

  2. tbhanks said,

    Yay! See. . . that’s an entirely valid point, Miss M.

  3. madamm said,

    I couldn’t agree with you more…the way she started it…killed it for me!

    Yes, what about LOVE. Ferfucksakes.

  4. tbhanks said,

    maybe she hasn’t loved or been loved before? perhaps that’s made her bitter. it’s sad, just sad.

  5. The Divine Miss M said,

    I think it also depends on your circumstances. For example 2 of my friends are deeply in love, they’ve been together for about 4 years now, live together and are married via common law (so that he can be in the country legally and work) but neither of them ever want to get married married. Their reasons for that stems from the fact that both of their parents got divorced and it affected them badly.

    Perhaps she was screwed up growing up?

    But I agree, she probably just has never been in love to that degree.

  6. tbhanks said,

    My friend and I were actually discussing this. My folks have been together for 26 years now but I am not a fan of marriage. In fact, if it wasn’t for my parents my partner and I could live together forever without being married.
    My friend pointed out that I’m way to cynical for someone who doesn’t come from a broken home. But I think she’s waaaaay more romantic than me for that exact reason.
    So, it basically boils down to ‘to each his own’. People do things for different reasons and we should be ok with it all.

  7. The Divine Miss M said,

    Completely.

    Unless of course they slam our point of you and say that we are incorrect because they don’t believe it to be right.

    Then they are fair game.

    Like Tom Cruise. He should be shot. 😉

  8. tbhanks said,

    True. I totally agree with you Miss M. And he happens to be a Scientologist. . . not my favourite type of person right now.

  9. madamm said,

    Tom is getting like all grubby and stuff now.

    Oldish, you know?

  10. The Divine Miss M said,

    Yes. That and he ate the placenta. I wouldn’t want to kiss that mouth!

  11. tbhanks said,

    I can’t think of anything more gross than eating something that was attached to a living thing then came through someone’s vayjayjay. Can you?

  12. The Divine Miss M said,

    Nope.

    However kissing Tom Cruise might come a CLOSE second 😉

  13. madamm said,

    Tom Cruise is officially in my list of NOBODY BEATS STEVE HOFMEYR BUT COMES A CLOSE SECOND

  14. Louisa said,

    It’s also peak M-season round here at the moment! I can of course safely say “been there , done that” but the thing that I find the most amusing is when couples seem to think that they just need to get through the wedding before the happy ever after starts. It’s hard work making it last (or so I hear from people who manage it), perhaps it would be a sobering thought to think of the wedding and all the drama that goes with it as the fun part? 😉

  15. kyknoord said,

    Marriage is a wonderful example of the triumph of optimism over statistically verifiable odds. Then again, so is the Lotto.

  16. tbhanks said,

    Louisa, I can’t imagine the stressfulness of planning a wedding being fun! (Not that I’ve done it myself but I’ve seen others go half bonkers trying to get it done!).
    Kyknoord, such a glass-half-full kinda person you are. . . 🙂

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