Why are you my friend?

July 13, 2007 at 8:34 am (friends)

Why are my friends my friends? Do we choose our friends because they’re mirrors of ourselves? Do we get irritated with parts of their characters because we ourselves have that characteristic?
A friend and I were discussing this yesterday and he reckons we there’s a bit of a mirror aspect going on in friendships.
I’m not entirely sure what he meant but it got me thinking about my friendships and why I’m friends with my friends.
I should also qualify that friends here include people I’ve met online and people who I don’t necessarily see regularly but with whom I communicate often.*

Rossgen: In many ways we’re so alike it’s not even funny. More sisters than friends. We did everythign together: fell over, well, everything; grew up; had bad hair days and fashion faux pas. We went through puberty and DOH100 together. And, importantly, we survived our families together. We have conversations without finishing sentences. One word means five paragraphs. It doesn’t matter if we’re silent for a while because our friendship is the kind that doesn’t need that many words.

Mrs M: I’ve learnt to be more open and express my feelings more thanks to MrsM. She’s generous with her emotions and feelings and I’ve tried to bring some of that to my very  introverted personality. And her perseverance in the face of adversity is inspiring.

Mel: She’s the person who has given me so much inspiration since we’ve become friends. I want to be a better person because of her. She’s completely unique and even though she’s on another continent I still feel as close to her as when we had our girly DVD nights.

Inner Bubbler: We ‘socialise’ more online than anywhere else but I so recognize aspects of myself in her. I also have painfully shy moments in public (yes, really!) and find it easier to converse in writing than actually speaking. She’s definitely got a bubbly personality hiding behind her shyness and I think I’m like that too.

Kash99: She taught me the word “meisie”! Ok, seriously though, Kash has a strong personality; one which I admire and which I hope to have when I grow up. She calls it like it is but will go the extra mile for her friends. Kash is like the popular kid I wanted to be when I was in high school. I also suspect she’s the reason why nobody dared mess with me in high school!

Batman: He has taught me the meaning of patience. I wish I had more of that. Batman is also very true to himself and stands up for what he believes him even if it’s not the most popular option. He’s got a wicked sense of humour and, although he would never admit it, is actually just a cutie pie hiding behind batwings.

Zel: She would go the extra thousand miles to help a friend. No matter how difficult she won’t give up. If I had half her commitment, I’d already be a better person. Plus she has a fabulous way of finding out the most obscure things.

Pampoentjie: She and I are kindred spirits. She’s one of the few people who understands that it’s ok to not want to be nice all the time. It’s okay to not want to be all chatty and shit when you just don’t have lus. She has perfect timing with her one-liners and her acerbic, dark sense of humour is like a beacon of light. She’s the peri-peri on the gêtsby.

Rosie: She’ll also go the extra mile for anyone who asks and is one of the warmest, nicest people ever. From her I’ve learnt what it means to be a perfectionist and one day I’ll be just like that. I hope.

Lyntjie: She’s crazy! Very open, very honest and has a hectically complicated life but seems to  live it to the fullest. Takes courage to do that and I admire her for it. 

* If you’re not mentioned here it doesn’t mean you’re not my friend. It just means I’m all drugged up and can’t think straight…if you think you should be here (if you’re not) let me know and what it is about me that makes me your friend.



  1. kash99 said,

    I have to say..my friend..that altho i was kinda..ok very..vicious in high school..i’m not like that anymore..well not really. Dont get me wrong, i can be the evilest bitch in the world if the situation calls for it. But I can also be very very nice and kind..seriously. I think moving to this god awful place was the best thing i ever did..being away from my family and friends..and not having any back-up..like i could never say: I’m guna fetch my uncle for u.. but also back-up financially..buying a house isnt jokes..i think i’m more humble, patient and calmer..Cos God knows one has to have hare op jou tande if ur partner is of another race.. but it not a bad thing actually..ive learnt a lot about myself..good things!!!

  2. kash99 said,

    I always thought we had a lot in common..goodness, we had boyfriends who were best friends once..Ugh! What were we thinking meisie?? seriously, even tho u were a little younger than me..i always had a lot of time for u..u are also a very strong person and that strength highlights ur character..i’ve always admired u too..so did a lotta other people..the only reason people may not have liked u was because of that boy “c” who was very good looking (at the time) and they were just jealous. BUt that’s the only reason..they way i see it: we guna be friends for a very very long time..

  3. madamm said,

    Tobes…this is very sweet…some introspection…You deserve all your wonderful friends!

  4. Toby Hanks said,

    Kash, I’m sure you’ve changed but you still have that kick-ass personality that’s so fab. C was hot, ne. Man, he could make knees go weak. But it was always a battle keeping other girls away from him! Fortunately, he only had eyes for me…
    I hear you on the interracial couple thing though…it has its moments!

    Mrs M, I am indeed the luckiest person in the world. I only have great friends because I weed out those who don’t bring meaning to my life. I’ve become selfish like that. Feeling very introspective because I’m a bit emotional this week, but it’s a good thing to sometimes sit back and take stock, you know?

  5. Toby Hanks said,

    Kash, the age thing was never a big deal, was it? I always felt more at home with you all than with people my own age. Te groot vir my skoene…

  6. kash99 said,

    It was never an issue..at least not for us..u were always just one of us anyway..(whatever that means)..after all..the age gap is miniscule..

  7. tbhanks said,

    and you taught me to smoke!

  8. kash99 said,

    AAh..dont talk rubbish..i dont recall saying: “try it man, its lekker.”jy’s a liegbek..well, i think maybe i just had a small hand in it..hee hee..if ur mom knew, she’s kill me!

  9. Toby Hanks said,

    Yes, I do recall you saying that. And, “Nee, nie soe nie. SOE…! Jirrie breathe in.” At the Artscape, remember?

  10. kash99 said,

    Busted: ja ok!! I do remember that..Sorry man..i didnt wanna be the only one smoking skelmpies then…

  11. tbhanks said,

    I was so innocent…so untouched…ha, ha. Ok, it was lekker!

  12. madamm said,

    smoking skelmpies was lekker. When my parents found out ( I told them cos I couldn;t stand the skelm part anymore) it wasn’t fun anymore. I

  13. madamm said,

    I mean, I wanted to say I don’t think I taught anyone else…wait…there was my roommate at varsity…I feel bad now.

  14. kash99 said,

    When my parents found mine..i told them it was Cornelia’s..so i found her quickly when my dad went to the toilet and told her to tell him its hers- which she did..well, my dady didnty like Cornelia after that anymore..dont think he liked her before either..
    But I still have to hide when i go to my mom’s house..my dad’s converted, he stopped cold turkey when i was still in high school..do u know how me and my sisters skrik when that blerrie door to the room opens!! Adrenaline rush, meisie!

  15. Toby Hanks said,

    mrsm, don’t feel bad. That person chose to smoke.
    Kash, do you remember how much shit I was in when my parents found out. Jirrie, dogbox for the whole friggin YEAR! My dad mos gave me a lecture while he himself was smoking.
    They know now but he’s always on at me for smoking. When I go there I have to smoke in the bathroom cos I don’t smoke infront of them.

  16. kash99 said,

    I remember, u were binne kak straat..u couldnt go anywhere for god knows how long..shame..i donet think we will ever have the guts to do it in front of them..like Rifqa!!

  17. Toby Hanks said,

    MrsM’s parents are cool like that too. I think our parents are quite old-school; not at all cool like the other parents. When I was younger I always wanted other people’s parents.

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