I have boobs and bums

April 24, 2007 at 8:44 pm (advertising, annoying, diets, exercise, fat rolls, weight, wellbeing)

I’m a big, loathsome fatass.
At least that’s what some women’s magazines would have me believe (more about that in a different post later). Apparently being anything over a size 10 is a social crime akin to saying you lust after your brother. At least I haven’t reached that level of depravity, right?
Anyway, back to the weight and my new issues with it. Rossgen and I hit the stores because she needed to look fabulicious (her word) for a function she had to attend. I have a wedding to attend so thought I’d try on a few things while in the shop. MISTAKE!
Not since the days when I sulked out of Hilton Weiner’s child-sized-clothing stores have I felt so bad about my body. I mean, hello: I have bums and boobs; a bit of cushioning on the hip and long limbs. Am I such a freak that no store has clothes that fit me?
Apart from the obvious “shall I take a 12/14/16 because they’re never the same”, anything that looks remotely stylish only comes in sizes 10 and below. And when I do fit on a size 12/14 it looks like a sausage caught in it’s skin when you’re frying it in a pan. Yuck.
Now, of course, you could say, um, Toby, maybe it’s because you’re “well-endowed”? Well-endowed my ass. I am a normal, healthy (ok, so I’m semi-healthy because I smoke and eat junk) young woman.
I have a healthy BMI of 22,5 according to the Mayo Clinic (click on Metric to get our measurements). I have normal curves and I’m quite happy with them so why can’t all those losers who make clothes try and make me spend my money?
Do they have any idea how starved curvy women are for nice clothes that fit – here’s a whole untapped industry I say. And African lasses don’t want the skinny tie-me-to-a-pole-so-I-don’t-blow-away kind of waists.
Unless of course I’m in the minority in which case I’ll just have to fume and continue my search for a good tailor/dressmaker to cover my bootylicious body.


  1. MrsM said,

    I;ve been there. AMEN

  2. tbhanks said,

    But is there anything to be done, do you think?

  3. cara said,

    I have SO been there. Levi’s, for instance, I have come to realise, only caters for stick insects with (as Bridget Jones would say) thighs like a baby giraffe. And the only thing that’s worse than not finding clothes that fit properly is changeroom lighting that makes you feel like a ball of cellulite. I’d rather wear my tatty old jeans.

  4. tbhanks said,

    I haven’t really tried Levi’s in a while so now I know not to even go there. Besides, their assistants all look like drugged-up beanpoles, so that should’ve been a clue already…
    I wish I could find at least ONE place that has clothes that work for me!

  5. MrsM said,

    Methinks we should send a scout party out there man. Cos I am not a 10. In fact, I don’t think I’m a 12 anymore either. I’m an in-betweener. And there is nothing worse than being an in-betweener. Woolies always works for me though. Practical and klaar.

  6. tbhanks said,

    But I’ve tried on Woolies stuff and I go between 12 and 14 – pants length and jacket length differs all the time. Their denims are very much unlike their trousers. Dammit. I hate clothes. I want to walk around naked from now on. Ha, ha.

  7. cara said,

    i wish we could all wear kaftans, and not the sexy accessorise-type ones, the african, that comes with a matching doek type ones.

  8. odls said,

    I`ve noticed just recently a few more advertisements on TV actually showing ladies who aren`t all skinny thin. At last!

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